yani

wow, i walked 2.3 miles today….can’t believe it…my daughter ……is taking me for walks….i am not going to lie i am tired…and my body hurts…..but i am so happy i accomplish one more goal….i didn’t stop or sat on my walker…….by the time we were heading back….i was very tired….i got home to sleep…..took an hr nap……thank goodness the weather was so nice……today i ate good…..my wi is tomarrow….keeping my fingers crossed…hope to see that scale move…towards my benefit….well bs just needed to tell you the good news…..here is the link i used to figure out my distance in walking…http://maps.google.com/maps?6……click on get dirrections and on drop down list choose walk………..well now going to read some mail and blogs…..love ya

their is no one to blame only me…is my fault ….i know what i am suppost to do and i been lacking off…i should know better…i wish i could kick my own butt…when i do this to me…i only sabotage my own progress no one elses’ …so yeah i am going to critized…me…maybe…that will shock me into reality…what i am doing…testing my own fate…..why? do i love hurting me..

i am not paying attention again…i am letting my emotions get the best of me…..why bust my azz working out and then sabotage it by eating foods that are just going to hurt me instead of helping….i know is not by alot…but even if is just a little is not helping…i increased my workouts but here i am not eating…..the right way

 example why in hell i had rice,pasta and french bread yesterday….are you seeing the picture or am i just exaggerating

i had for

breakfast=english muffin, laughing cow cheese, an apple and coffe

lunch= fried tilapia and spanish rice and side salad with light french dressing

s= nabisco 100 cal with coffe and milk

dinner= elbows with chicken breast, and garlic french bread, side salad

s=coffee with milk

it might not look bad but i notice to much simple carbs…..bread,rice,pasta, and bread…duh Yani hello wake up and that coffee what sup with that and to top it off I didn’t really drink water…only had like 50 oz when I usually drink 100 oz daily…so yesterday I was so busy that even was not planning to do my excersice but….when I change the tv channel came across the biggest loser

I started to workout on my machine and was able to do at least 55 mins when I notice….my body was hurting from the day before but i needed to do it….needed to push myself….

so for whoever saw the show wow did you see the black and blue team had to ride that bike for 24 hours and they had to take turns….and they were sore, hungry and tired and about 9 hrs left the blue team wanted to quit…so when they went to talk to the black team one of the team members of the black team convince them not to…because it was like showing that they were quiting on there family members and themselves….wow what a will power that surely gave me wake up call…i been doing so good but because of my lackness and lazyness i have not really plan ahead my meals…and….i really need to stop that…anywayz…just a realization check…to keep my booty on check….i really needed to blog…i was feeling very overwhelm got to much on my plate to handle at this time…..needed to just release some stress and feelings…love ya all hope you are doing fine…..will try to catch up on some blogs….

today…i woke up and determine to stop being lazy and get my butt up and workout…..really workout….i wanted to feel the sweat down my spine….and my heart racing….i wanted to feel the pain in every inch of my body…..for once in my life i really miss working out….am i crazy….am i really saying that i actually enjoy working out….

well i can’t believe that i been actually losing weight again….16 pounds gone….2 months ago i was almost reaching 290’s and i am today 273 half way in reaching my mini goal of 260……today…i want to see all this fat melting away…..i have to many things to look forward to…spring is around the corner and i want to be able to start walking outside….and i want to be able to walk with my hands free no walker….and i know the more i do my strenght training for my upper body the sooner i will see that dream come true….

 i have let my emotions take me into a rollercoaster ride these past two months…..and i have fallen off that wagon to many times….to count of…and each time i learned something new about me…..i…..am determine to really pay attention to how i am feeling….when i eat……i let myself go to many times for not paying attention…before…and now i know i can lose more weight if i really pay attention what i eat and how i feel when i eat….and stop being lazy i really need to focus on my excersise as well….

i know i need to do some changes….in my diet….eat more fruits and vegetables and less process food or food loaded with sugar……and only eat home food….

i need to journal each day how i am feeling because that plays a major role in my sucess….and reach out for the support of my buddies…..i am so greatful that i have you because trust me i would of quit a long time ago..i would of given up….you have help me so much thru this process…..man a lifestyle change is not easy…and finally my family is accepting that i am for real this time and are chipping in in their support as well….i am part of the best group wildcats….and ever since i joined in i feel even with more strenght to move on…because i feel that i fail them as well as my self when i want to give up…they are my biggest motivator…..now we are playing….mood…. we are split up into 2 groups…the Cougars and the Panthers….but still unders the wilcats wing….we are a family who care for eachother…and i love it…

and i also have some other nice buddies in bs that motivate me and pull me up when i am down to and i am so happy for that…well i am blah blah to much….love each one of ya u are my family from far away…but close to my heart.

to all my peeps I greatly appreciate all the support, advice given to me yesterday….You just don’t know how difficult it was for me to deal with.  Being home with no one to talk too….and a million of thoughts runing thru my mind….I needed to tell you…I can’t come and tell my family because instead of being their they like to number 1 critize, be judgemental and gossip…and at this time I needed understanding….help….support…..caring…..sorry to say that about my own family but why sugar coat the reality….is bad thou that you can’t count on them when you most need them…..

I have found in bs the most beautiful people, and I am blessed to be part of a wonderful group called the wildcats…..and other bs buddies…..you guys have become like a family…..who I care and worry for when I don’t see you online for days….isn’t funny I can come here and talk to you….and find an answer to a problem, advice and support on everything that I lack of in my own family….

again, thankyou…..for just being here………when I needed you……..

I experience the most difficult task ever yesterday,  My beautiful daughter, the youngest called me in tears yesterday….she’s always suffered of depression….and as a young adult doesn’t want to seek professional help…this is difficult for me because she is a few states away from me….

As a mother, What would you do if your child tells you she doesn’t want to life nomore?  That she is better of dead because it will stop the pain she’s feeling. 

Well, as a mother in that moment I was faced with the most difficult situation and to make matters worse I was  not near her to protect her.  Only by phone I needed to find the strenght and the right words to speak to her and this was twice as hard because I was not able to sit by her and be face to face…..My heart was raising….I was trembling….I was scared….I talk to her calmly…it was cruisal for me to keep her on the phone that moment.

I told my daughter what a beautiful soul she was, and how much I loved her and how proud I was of her…..I told her that soon she would be home, to be with me, her sister and niece who is waiting anxiously for her to come home…..

Let me tell you a little about what is really hurting my daughter at this time….and has ever since I got divorse from her dad……yes you guess her FATHER…..she was very close to him….and the separation…..affected her more than the oldest…

well I don’t know why some men when they get involved with another women tend to push away their own kids…but are able to care….and love for other kids that are not their own….he got into another relationship less than 2 months of our separation….and to make matters worse with a best friend of mine….for more than 15 years whom our daughters were best friends as well….

my daughter always cried her self to sleep many times because her father would not call….and sometimes it was so bad that even would caused her to have fever and become sick….those are the begining days of my daughter onset of depressions….During the summers she would go to spend it with DAD but DAD women didn’t allow him to have his daughter at his home….So my daugther would stay at her grandmothers’ house….My daughter didn’t care as long as she was able to see her DADDY…..my daughter wanted to live close….to DADDY that ask me if she could go and live with him for a while….I didn’t stop her even thou I was going to miss her….I just wanted my daughter to be Happy for once and maybe being close to dad was the answer….but like always he didn’t stand up for his daughters rights and put his women in place….he as a coward….prefer to have my daugther to live with his mother…..and my daughter resented him for that….she did everything for daddy to pay attention to her to love her like she loved him…..but he was to blind to see that.

 well now, he is in a new relationship and had a baby boy,…my daughter once more decided to go to college and live with DADDY again….in the mean time…..during that year….my daughter called me countless times crying and very depress that she wanted to come home…and I told her that she needed only a few months to finish her classes and graduate….here in nyc she would have to start all over….and she then would come home…..so last month my daughter had surgery…and I didn’t know because my daughter didn’t want to worry me….but her Father or Women didn’t help her for her recovery…So my daughter was 3 weeks away from graduation….so she went with her uncles house to stay until graduation….but her DADDY now doesn’t talk to my daughter or calls her and to make it worse didn’t even go to her graduation….all my daughter wan’ts is her DADDY’S LOVE….

His mother passed by to visit leave her venom, without realizing what she had caused….my daughter was fine until she went to visit as her aunt told me….

back to the conversation, with my daughter I listen to her…I let her talk…….I was not judgemental…..I then talk to her…..for more than 3 hrs…..I prayed with her……I was able to control my fear and help her thru this dark time in her life….well my daughter is comming home on friday….she needs MOMMY LOVE…..

well if anyone ever encounter a situation like this have this handy……it help me……..

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/sphone.htm and  http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

my job is not done it will start on friday….so I please ask you to give me advise…..or any tips i would greatly appreciated it…I know that you are all great peeps and love and care for me…..love ya for all your support……

I been reading a book called skinny b**ches’ funny thou but very important info and wanted to share some important info….the author talks’ like it is without sugar coating nothing. As I continue to read the book I will share some of the important tips alot we might know and maybe we might not….

My Thighs Were Stolen From Me…

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for years? Whose thighs were these? What happened to mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to bumps in the night. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My buns were next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new derriere (although badly attached at least 3 inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was 2 years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked, repeatedly and without warning. During one spring, my attention was riveted to upper arms—female arms. I studied them from every angle, being careful not to raise mine in public nor flatten them too tightly against my body. In private I held them straight out and did endless circles that would have tightened my real arms but did nothing for these silly putty caricatures. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my T-shirts.

What could they do to me next? In short order, my eyes began to remind people that they needed a new pair of Hush Puppies. My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of. That’s why I’ve decided to tell my story: I can’t take on the medical profession by myself. Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee! That isn’t really “plastic” those surgeons are using. You know where they’re getting those replacement parts, don’t you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted,” look again. Was it lifted from you? Check out those tummy tucks and buttocks raising. Look familiar? Are those your eyelids on that movie star?

I think I finally may have found my thighs. I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them.

Taking control of my life and taking authority over my mind
These  are the three things that we need to have control of our thoughts, imagination and strongholds

We ought to live by what our God has given us thru his word….
2 Cor 10:3-4  The very weapons we use are not human but powerful in God’s warfare for the destruction of the enemy’s strongholds.
2 Cor 10:5  bringing absolutely every thought into captivity or control. This is the highest form of mind control—where God expects us to control our own minds.
2Cor 10:6 We fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ.

We have to learn how to use the word of God; the love of God; and the thoughts of God as a gate keeper.

As I was hearing the message that the KC was preaching, this morning I felt a strong desire to share all that I learned from his lesson, being that I am going thru basicallly everything he was preaching…when he said deal with your mind.
he explained what was hunger and appetite because we need to recognize them Why? We tend to confuse these 2
hunger is a physical need while appetite is an emotional need for food that we desire

He also said that the 2 appetite trigger times are
mid afternoon & late evening; He said we need to learn how to submit ourselves to the word of God to resist satan.

When Jesus was forty days fasting Satan didn’t bother him until he was hungry, Satan offered him Bread  and, Jesus used the word of God to fight back and told him,”Men shall not live by bread alone.”

He said that is important to memorize and medicate and talk out loud the word because that is our sword.  The more you have Christ in you the more you have the word in you.  The longer is going to take before the hunger will hit you. and if you are not deep in Christ, you will be shallow into temptation.

Ex. If you think about drinking soda constantly the thought will become an imagination and as you keep on, then if you don’t quit thinging of it and meditate on it long enough it becomes a stronghold..
That is how it becomes a necesity to have it everytime you eat….

You need to replace that way of thinking with the word of God, by casting it down, how by deciding to take that thought and say it over and over until you bring it into captivity.

Well, hope this information will be of any benefit to you,,,because I have decided to win this battle and win so I will put it into practice….

I am going to learn how to walk in the word, and walk in love…and rejoice.

Bless you all !

yeah i feel bummy about but have to come out clean yesterday all i did was eat….i ate until my tummy hurt and still my brain was asking for more….I felt like the biggest looser ever….after doing so good I really screwed up……big time…….

well here it goes this is what I ate for b= oatmeal, 2 eggs, l= 2 servings  of chicken split soup, s= nabisco 100 cal pack & 6 chocolate wafers I ate all this by 1 pm

then  around 3 pm I had 2 cups of special k cereal with 1 cup of milk d= 4 chicken nuggets & 15 fries. 

I ask myself why I do this to myself……why I hurt myself this way…..why I can’t control myself this way?

I am so tired of the excuses to find oh let me blame it on aunt flow, or this.

The hardest step is to be honest to myself and not lie to myself…..then I am here crying because I feel like crap

I say to myself what are you going to do Yani, sit there and feel pity for yourself? or Are you going to get up and shake it off? and move forward like you’ve done in the past….do what you preach to everybody else you are not the exemption….you know how you say today is a new day and a new begining…..

I am human, and I got to accept the fact that I will fall many times and I can only get up and try again….doesn’t matter how many times it happens but what matters is that you don’t quit on yourself and give up…..you been a fighter nothing in this life has been easy for you and some how you’ve manage to overcome it….so this is not the first or last challenge that you are going to be against of…..Where’s your faith? hmmm…..I need to pray…..pray….and pray…..for that supernatural help……and talk, and write in my journal how I am doing and how I am feeling….and let my peeps in bs help me like they been  doing, advise me, support me, and tell me how it is…..I am so glad that bs exist…that I finally found friends and buddies that care for me and understand what I am going thru because some how they are going thru the same….

I am ok…..hurt yes….but trying again yes…..just want to say thankyou because you have thought me to be honest with myslef…..H5 to all of you…..sorry that I been blah blah my mouth….but feel much better….I am going to win……..